What’s Keeping You Awake and What Actually Helps
If you’re lying awake night after night, feeling exhausted but unable to fall asleep, you’re not alone. Many people reach this point after weeks or months of poor sleep, when bedtime itself starts to feel stressful rather than restful.
You may have tried all the “right” things like going to bed earlier, trying to sleep in longer, having a warm bath, drinking herbal teas, doing your best to relax and yet you’re still awake. At this stage, it’s very common to start wondering: Why can’t I fall asleep? And more importantly, how can I fall asleep faster with insomnia?
Many people I work with tell me that the anxiety starts long before they even get into bed. As evening approaches, their thoughts begin to race “What if I don’t sleep again tonight?” and by the time their head hits the pillow, their body already feels tense and alert and their head goes into overdrive.
If this has been happening for a while, what you’re experiencing is most likely insomnia, even if you’ve never thought of it that way before.
Why can’t I fall asleep, even though I’m exhausted?
One of the most confusing parts of insomnia is feeling utterly tired, yet still unable to sleep.
Sleep isn’t something we can force through effort. It’s driven by a natural biological process known as sleep drive. Which is basically the pressure to sleep that builds the longer we’ve been awake. When someone starts going to bed earlier, spending longer in bed, or lying awake trying to make sleep happen, that sleep drive can actually weaken.
Even if you’re awake, your body is still resting while you’re in bed. Over time, this reduces the pressure to sleep, making it harder for sleep to arrive quickly.
In sessions, I often explain this as the difference between being tired and being sleepy. You can feel completely worn out, but if your sleep drive hasn’t had the chance to build properly, sleep still won’t come easily.
So if you’ve been trying harder by going to bed earlier or staying in bed longer, drinking more coffee during the day just to get through it. You are essentially giving insomnia everything it needs to thrive.
Why bedtime anxiety makes complete sense
Many people worry that anxiety is the reason they can’t sleep. In reality, it’s usually the other way around.
After repeated nights of poor sleep, your brain starts to learn that bedtime is a place where struggle happens. It remembers the frustration, the clock watching and overthinking about the day you’ve just had and the night to follow. Naturally, your brain becomes more alert at night, scanning for threat and trying to protect you from another difficult day. The problem is that this alertness keeps the brain switched on, when really you need it to settle.
This means that the anxiety you feel at bedtime isn’t a sudden disorder, but more so a learned response to weeks or months of not sleeping well.
Why calming routines haven’t helped you fall asleep faster
A warm lavender bath or a calming tea can feel soothing and there’s nothing wrong with using them. But for ongoing insomnia, they’re often not enough on their own.
Insomnia is usually less about how relaxed you feel, and more about:
- When you’re going to bed.
- How long you’re spending awake in bed.
- When you’re getting out of bed.
- What your brain has learned to associate with sleep.. or the lack of.
By the time someone reaches this point, they’re often doing these things not because they enjoy them, but because they’re desperate for sleep and worried something is wrong. That desperation is understandable and it’s also part of what keeps the cycle going and giving insomnia exactly what it wants.
Calming routines can help you wind down, but they don’t rebuild sleep drive or retrain the brain to link the bed with sleeping rather than wakefulness.
The beliefs about sleep that quietly keep insomnia going
When sleep becomes unreliable, it’s very common to develop strong beliefs about it.
You might notice thoughts like:
- I must get eight hours or I won’t function properly.
- Lack of sleep will cause dementia.
- Not sleeping enough is going to make me age quicker.
These beliefs make sense when you’re exhausted and worried. But they also add pressure. The more urgent sleep feels, the more alert the brain becomes and the harder it is to fall asleep quickly.
Most people are relieved to learn that their sleep system isn’t broken or damaged. It’s responding logically to repeated poor sleep and with the right structure and support, it can settle again.
What actually helps you fall asleep faster with insomnia
If insomnia has been going on for months, it’s usually being maintained by a combination of:
- Weakened sleep drive
- Learned alertness and overthinking at bedtime
- Habits and beliefs that made sense at the time, but now keep the cycle going
The important thing to know is that you don’t have to keep having these sleepless nights.
Your brain has learned a particular pattern around sleep and with the right approach, it can be retrained to allow sleep to happen naturally again.
How CBT-I helps reset sleep
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is designed specifically for ongoing sleep difficulties. Rather than offering more sleep tips, it focuses on:
- Rebuilding healthy sleep drive
- Improving sleep efficiency
- Reducing the alertness that has built up around bedtime
- Reducing time awake in bed
With the right support from a CBTi Programme these patterns can be sorted and gradually rectified. Sleep doesn’t need to be forced, it needs the right conditions.
So what next?
If this has resonated and you’re tired of battling sleep on your own, CBT-I offers a structured and evidence based way forward.
I offer a free 30 min chat, so you’re welcome to get in touch here if you’d like to explore whether CBT-I support might be right for you.